so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
