i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize