You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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