Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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