I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
