dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
