nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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