so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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