I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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