so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
