My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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