Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
