Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's the barista slut.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
