so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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