You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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