you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So many bounce houses so little time
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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