yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
