had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
