if you like me you must not know who I am
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
