Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
