who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
