the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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