i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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