I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
