Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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