so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
