so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
