His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
