I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
