Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
tell me about the eggs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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