He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize