No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did i walk over a car last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
