They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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