i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
