I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
