Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
