nut hugger
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
