you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
