yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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