thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
