Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
