Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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