She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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