you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
