..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
