loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
