ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
