my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
