My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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