now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
