It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Text me some of your sweat
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