i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
