420 ftw
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
