when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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