How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
