i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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