i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
