turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
