i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
