When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
