she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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