I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
