Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
