dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
