I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
