I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
