Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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