I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
