So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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