Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
