Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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