Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
