so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize