I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
