I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
