She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
