First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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