youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pants are for mortals
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
