I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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