His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drunk is not a location!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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