Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
