She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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