he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize