I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize