i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
