she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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