When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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