there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
