My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
