fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
