dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she woke up with a sticky ear
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
