Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
