i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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