I think i peed on brittanys purse
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
