You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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