peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
love makes seman taste better
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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