I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
