I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
