Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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