At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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