i was born a porn star she said
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize