and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
