Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize