i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
