I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
