lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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