i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
high people should be assigned attendants
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
