i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
