And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
