I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
