Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
