garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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