Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize