Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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