I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
