One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize