Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
